Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
