i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
