The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
