You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
