He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
