how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
are you so shy because you have an std?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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