He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
