she looked like the before picture.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
