I wish my penis had an off switch
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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