just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize