Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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