Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize