she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
