But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
