I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
