Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
