I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
