I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
