The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
