There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
