she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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