he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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