I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
foreskin is a definite game changer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize