aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
