I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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