Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
