it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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