It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
