I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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