I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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