I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just invented taco cereal.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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