i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
