just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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