Pants 0. Shit 1.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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