Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
