TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
