the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize