That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
