Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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