when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize