dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
