is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
