he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
