Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
