so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
