i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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