I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
