why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
