Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
