I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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