i permit you to call me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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