Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
