i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
