i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
