Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
