he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize