Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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