I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
