I just pynch a tree in the face
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
