If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
