YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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