May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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