After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
