My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
