theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
