We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
