You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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