She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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