hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
