you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
