cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
