I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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