it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
