and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize