Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
