I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize