I have demons in me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
