i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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