You made me cry and you don't even care
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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