Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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