Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize