Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
