Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
