a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
