I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
