Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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