i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
