It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
