She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
