what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
