I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
