What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You may now shotgun with the bride
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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