theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
