This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
