You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
