My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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