i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize