I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
