you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your penis caused this!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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