didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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