how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
