what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
